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Great Britain is giving 50 million pounds worth of diamonds to a Middle East sheik in return for oil concessions. There are rumors of a plot by arch-criminal Gabriel (Dirk Bogarde) to steal the diamonds, so the Secret Service Chief (Harry Andrews) seeks the help of sexy spy Modesty Blaise (Monica Vitti), who brings along her sidekick Willie Garvin (Terence Stamp).

In an attempt to resurrect the slapstick comedy of Laurel and Hardy or The Marx Brothers, Stanley Tucci and Oliver Platt team-up as two out-of-work actors who accidentally stowaway on a ship to hide from a drunken, belligerent lead actor who has sworn to kill them for belittling his talents. Of course, the lead actor end up on the ship as well. Also, a madman (Tony Shalhoub) plots the destruction of the ship and Steve Buscemi is a depressed, suicidal lounge singer named Happy Frank.

T. E. Lawrence is a young maladjusted lieutenant in the British Army in North Africa during World War One. Unhappy with his current assignment coloring maps, he is ecstatic when he is offered a job as an observer in what is now Arabia. At this point, the story of his life becomes the stuff that legends are made of.

13 year old Walter has had a hard life, with his no good floozy of a mother getting together with many equally despicable men. Before going on yet another husband-hunting trip, she drops him off at the house of his great-uncles Hub and Garth. They disappeared for quite a while in their youth, and are rumored to have acquired a great fortune, which Walter’s mother hopes to get her hands on if he can ingratiate himself enough to the two cantankerous men. Though reluctant to put up with him at first, Hub and Garth grow to accept Walter, and even tell him fantastic stories of what they were up to while they went missing. When his mother returns, Walter must take charge of his own life, and decide what he’s going to do with it.